Lloyd (Blast injury): Chapter 3 - Things which helped him continue to get better

Episode 5: Chapter 3 - Lloyd Polkinghorne - Things which helped him continue to get better.

In the final episode of this initial series we meet Lloyd Polkinghorne, a 36 year old newspaper owner and editor and a former mixed irrigator from Barham in NSW. Lloyd was injured by a misfiring shotgun in 2013 whilst assisting neighbouring farmers to clear birds from their crops. Whilst the injuries he received were largely invisible, the effects upon him were significant. He's a tough, resilient and courageous man and an incredible community advocate.

In this chapter Lloyd describes a number of things which helped him get better, including redefining 'who' he is.

Whilst this is the final episode for the year, I've got some great interviews lined up to record in the months ahead and I look forward to sharing these with you next year. In the meantime, if you have any interview suggestions or feedback on the series thus far please feel free to reach out at: stories.of.recoveryrf@gmail.com

Stay safe... and keep going :)
Cheers, Robbie

Full transcripts and show notes are available for each chapter on the podcast website: storiesofrecovery.buzzsprout.com

Shownotes:

• 00:30 - Lloyd describes how he came to be the owner and editor of The Koondrook and Barham Bridge Newspaper, initially purchasing it and then taking on the role of editor,
• ^03:06 - Goal setting is one of Lloyd's key pieces of advice to those recovering. He advises setting goals and making them small & realistic. Break them up into tiny bite sized pieces. As Lloyd reminds us: 'How do you eat an elephant?....One small bite at a time'. Consider to yourself 'what's the next little thing I want to achieve?'
  • ^For Lloyd, his kids were a fundamental goal that helped him keep going during the toughest of times. His goal was: "To be there for them and to show them that anything is possible and that they could, despite the challenges, rise above whatever they're going through",
  • Another example of Lloyd's: "In 12 months I want to have lost 'some' weight",
• ^08:00 - Family and community were very important in Lloyd's recovery. When he got back to a level of health where he could manage it he began to ask himself "What can I add to the world?"
• ^09:52 - Getting his hormone levels right was significant. Until he had these levels restored not much else was able to change. Getting these sorted was the starting point. This was the turning point which allowed him to begin to recover. Testosterone and growth hormone were significantly missing following his firearm accident,
• ^10:20 - Lloyd discusses trusting your own instinct and the importance of this,
• ^11:10 - Lloyd's greatest investment: Time spent on self development, meditation, quietening his mind and spending time in nature as meditation,
• ^13:07 - Lloyd talks about the mind shift that occurred over time that allowed him to look for and see the opportunities in his situation. He acknowledges this is very difficult, takes time and advises others to 'stay curious and rephrase the questions that you ask yourself'. For Lloyd, he asked himself "What else is possible?", "What are the opportunities here?" and "What are the things we can find?",
• 15:50 - Lloyd explains that he took 'little things' away from many things that he came across. He mentioned the book: Autobiography of a Yogi (a good description of it) and the video Enlightenment.

^Lloyd's main learnings

Transcript

Note: Time stamps for the chapter episodes are based on the full episode recording.

Robbie Frawley
Welcome to Chapter 3. In this chapter, Lloyd discusses the things which helped him get better. 

Robbie Frawley  50:02  
So, just to connect the dots to where we're sitting now, you're currently the owner and editor of the...? I'll get you to say the name of the paper...

Lloyd Polkinghorne  50:10  
Yeah, the the Koondrook and Barham Bridge newspaper. So when I sold the farm and moved into town, and I was feeling a bit lost, because I had, you know, been super involved in industry groups and community groups and all these sorts of things. And the,

Robbie Frawley  50:29  
and that was all tied to your sort of profile as a farmer?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  50:33  
Yeah, yep. And yeah, who you see yourself as

Robbie Frawley  50:36  
Yeah. And when you'd sold the farm did that. Did that cease that part of your life at that time? Or were you still involved through your father and through your family?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  50:48  
Yeah. And it ceased my involvement in it. But yeah, there's a lot of hang ups and tie ups yeah, with getting getting rid of that and moving on. But then we ended up in town, and I was sort of still looking for an outlet. And the local paper came up for sale. So The Bridge was started in 1909. So it's, you know, been going for a long time and, and in, in recent years, like, last 15 years, our communities have been having these huge upheavals, with government policy, predominantly water, water policy changes, as well as the other things that go with rural Australia, like the population and, and you know, just the, the changes of time. Say the paper came up for sale. And I was like, Yeah, well, that's, that's a good fit. And I wasn't well enough at the time to actually work in the paper. But we just decided that we'd buy it. And so I had an editor in the role, who I actually went to school with, and then she decided she want to get on have kids. So she moved on maternity leave. And then I managed to get my sister to come down from Sydney. Yeah, to run the paper. She was off. Yeah. Grew up on the farm as well. So good community minded, and Annie has super good skills. And then eventually, I got well enough, Julie, I wanted to go back and sort of carry on with her life. And, and I decided on, I'd take on the role. So we'd been through the Millennium drought here. And that had been quite challenging, and a lot of years of sort of no production, and that already impacted people. And then the E government impacts also puts you in almost a constant drought. Because they've opened the floodgates to water trading. And we now have, like, well got farmers here who went and bought water and they bought it off the the New York Police Department superannuation fund. Yeah. So we have multinational companies just trading in water end to make profit, competing against people who were just trying to feed their stock or finish their crops, get their kids into school. So for me, the paper was like, Oh, well, that's a good fit for me. And I don't have a journalism background. I wasn't even a big reader of newspapers, to be honest. But yeah, I'm happy to call a spade a spade. Right?

Robbie Frawley  53:30  
I will looking back now like, I mean, it's been eight, about eight years at this point. Yep. Obviously full of trials and tribulations along the way, and, you know, little learnings and plateaus and bigger learnings and plateaus and different challenges. What would you say and cognizant of the fact that you said before, you know, everyone's different, like, and this certainly isn't about saying to people, you should do XYZ, because I know, that doesn't work. I guess what it is about is sharing what's been beneficial or most beneficial, invaluable to you, in your journey and allowing people to hear that and hear your story. Yep. And if something does resonate with them, yep. You know, they can, they can grab it and run with it and try it. Or if it doesn't, they can, you know, leave it. So with that in mind, what would you say were the most crucial and beneficial sort of elements of your recovery? Yeah, so

Lloyd Polkinghorne  54:27  
I think goals is a is an important one for me. And they got to be realistic goals. So when you're bedridden or whatever, and you're trying to you know, there's I recently did a 300k walk in and you know, when the when the going gets tough you know, when it's really bad you just look from one flat reflected to the next Yeah, like, you know, you bring in bring in ago Yeah, that's right. And it and it's really just about bite sized pieces, you know, there's that say, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at all. You really just got to break it down. Because if you're trying to say I want to get back to how it was before or whatever, for me, that is just super daunting. And you just thought, well, the differences are so great. And so what sort of little ways beat you around the head? You're like, Oh, you're not there. You're not there. But when you for me if you can actually go, well, what's the next little thing I want to achieve? Or what's the next part? You know, for me, it's a journey. Like I won't say, probably won't ever say now that I'm fixed, because who I am now is totally different. Yeah, that's right. And my values have totally changed. But for me, if I was bedridden, well, the next goal would be, how do I get out of bed?

Robbie Frawley  55:51  
Can you share a couple of goals that you can remember that were really clear for you?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  55:56  
Yeah, yep. For me, my kids were like a key part of it. So there were times where it's super dark, and I didn't want to be here. But for me, my goal was that, hey, had to I instil in them, you know, the courage and the power to continue on? If I'm checking out? Yeah, and certainly, that's challenging. And also, you know, they, they, for me, were a super important goal, because I wanted to be there for them. And I, you know, I value my role as a teacher and I suppose, as a protector of them. So for me, that was a super clear and important one. And so what was that goal? was to be for there for them, and, and to show them that, you know, anything was possible, and that they could, you know, despite the challenges rise above whatever they're going through, it's one hell of a motivator. Yeah, it is, you sort of you find the things that that matter to you. It's, it's a bit like self interest, like you, you find the things that resonate with you. They're the bits that give you the spark, and they're the bits, you know, whether it be you want a new car or whatever, when people find their self interest, nobody do anything to sort of get to it. Yeah. And so for me, it was about being there for the kids and being a role model for them. And then it got to a stage well, you know, I had other simple ones, I want to get back to a more healthy weight. So I'd put on 50 kilos, yeah. And so I could have went, Ah, I want to get back to you know, 84 kilos. And that would have been impossible, that would have been, and I was just like, in 12 months, I want to have lost some weight. And so for me, that was just the simple bit, I wasn't gonna go and do anything stupid. I still had severe physical limitations, I was like, I will just take a long term view, because it's taken me a long time to get as crooked as I am. It's gonna take time to get any. So for me, it was right. I'm going to lose some weight the next well, just chip away. Yeah, so I was for me goal setting was, was super important. And I have to also be, yeah, they really do have to be manageable, and they have to be achievable. And that will vary depending on on where you are and what you going through. But yeah, family, for me played a big role. And also, you know, who I am and where I fit into the community, like, what can I add to the world? is also another one.

Robbie Frawley  58:34  
As in that's a question you would sort of ask yourself, yeah, yep. Because it was that challenging, though, I guess work, particularly when you're really limited. Your capacity to have any impact on the community would have been really? Yeah. as well. Like, how did you? Yeah, with that, in your mind, given you it clearly, so community minded?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  58:55  
Yep. No, and there was stages where that wasn't even effective. Like I was, it was just about survival. And that's where it went to the core ones of like, the kids or whatever. But then as I started to get a little glimmer of, it was like, Well, you know, I've seen some pretty shit things. And I think people are icebergs in a 90% below the water 10% above. So what you see and what people project is only just a little snippet, and people get so wound up with, you know, I don't like that person, because I did this. Okay, well, what's the backstory? What's all the crap the guy because people would see me as obese and, you know, unable to talk to them, and just, you know, and they totally write me off. Yeah, I wouldn't know the first thing about me and what I've been through and it's just like, and that is, you know, that's something you either learn from or you become really bitter about. And for me, it was just going, Oh, well, they don't understand and that's, you know, it's not that they're a bad person. It's just, they have different values and Everyone's so busy and wrapped up in their own

Robbie Frawley  1:00:00  
You never know what someone's going through until normally after. Yeah,

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:00:04  
yeah, that's right. And then you feel like a dick because you actually judge them on on stuff that I know nothing. Yeah. Yeah. So I think for me, it's, it's baby steps. And it is.

Robbie Frawley  1:00:17  
And then, like the whole mind stuff that sounds like it was really significant.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:00:21  
Yeah. Yep, the whole mind stuff was significant. Without those fundamentals of what drives your body, and what? Yeah. One thing you can't do anything without, as much as I really wanted to, or whatever, until, until I had those restored, I wasn't gonna get any better.

Robbie Frawley  1:00:44  
And then you talked about, I guess, trusting your own instinct on.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:00:50  
Yeah, so trusting your instinct is super important. But that also, you know, you have to get to a point within yourself. But suppose that you believe yourself, and you've quieted your mind down enough. Because, you know, there's two aspects of us, which is, you know, a monkey mind or however you want to term it is all your thoughts and doubts that run around and try to feel you, you don't want to listen to that aspect of it, but, but it's your heart, you know, it's the things that you fundamentally feel, and you just go, you know, it's like, when you meet someone, and you have that instinct, the feeling that they're a good person or a bad that doesn't come from your mind that, that comes from just something fundamental that we feel and we know, bit like intuition.

Robbie Frawley  1:01:35  
What is the best or most worthwhile investments you've made during your recovery? So it could be an investment of time, energy, effort, money, etc?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:01:44  
Yep. So a lot of time for me on on self development. Yep. So you know, that his time alone, reflecting on what matters to me, and also investing the time in to quiet my mind and to actually slow things down. Because with my injury log, the sympathetic nervous system was running flat out, and everything was just in overdrive. And that just stimulates your brain even more. And you just kidding. This, you know, you worry about things. And

Robbie Frawley  1:02:17  
yeah, was that through yoga, through meditation? Like, what was the mechanism?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:02:22  
Yeah, so it was a combination of things that was, you know, people think meditating, just sitting around quietly with your eyes closed, in a certain position, but it can also be walking in the bush, like, you know, it can, it's just gonna be quiet reflective is a range of different things, we will get to a similar state as a meditative state. And so you got to take a broad scope of what that looks like to you and where it fits in any. But I think there's something really fundamentally important in quietening our mind, because society, we just keep getting pushed and stimulated. Yeah, that's right. And the way news is projected to us and all these sorts of things, it's this constant stimulation, and, and when you're trying to recover, you actually need time to recap. You can't keep having all these influences.

Robbie Frawley  1:03:14  
But as you're saying, you'd have been having plenty of time to yourself in the first few months, and that wouldn't have been doing any good. So what was it that differentiated that from just being spending time? Yes, worrying versus spending time in reflection and personal development?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:03:31  
Yeah, I think it comes to mindset. So like, yeah, the first part was our academy out there, and sort of acknowledging all the things I was missing, or all the things I was unable to do. And then I had a mind shift, I suppose over time that, you know, why am I here? Or what are the opportunities within the position? I mean, you know, what can I do now that I couldn't have done previously? Or, you know, there's plenty of opportunities that I found that wouldn't have been if I hadn't had an accident, and I was still farming. Well, that would have been a different road, but I wouldn't have grown at all as a person. Because I just want to keep doing the things. Oh, yeah. So for me, it was a mindset thing. It was, you know, rather than a while was me, well, what's the next step?

Robbie Frawley  1:04:24  
And was there anything that was obvious helped you to take that step? Because if you're it's a really hard transition from that. It is. It's super

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:04:33  
hard and it evolved. I thought, like there wasn't there wasn't a definitive moment a light bulb moment for me that I woke up and when I no longer feel shit about what's next. But I think it was a gradual, like there was times I started tried yoga early on in the base, and I went this shitty Yeah, I don't like this is boring. What is this crap? Yeah, I suppose I had to be ready at a certain level. But you got to keep asking questions. Yeah. You know, we quite often we tell ourselves, you know why we can do something well, but you actually got to stay curious and you got to, and that is hard when you're in a when things are really hard. But it's incremental steps. And I'd my kids get home from school, and you say, Hey, I was school. And the easiest thing is to point out the negatives, they'll give me five negatives about everything that went wrong. errata, what's two positives and they sit there you? I can't do it, because it is so easy to find the stuff that we don't lie. And, you know, you got to rephrase, rephrase the questions to yourself, I think any any, and just trying to change that perspective of how you look at things. And and that's super complicated, because our minds are all different. And so for me, it was, you know, what else is possible? You know, what are the what are the opportunities he? What are the things we can find? Because if you keep doing the same thing, and you're not getting anywhere, will he get the same result?

Robbie Frawley  1:06:15  
What book and it could be a movie or a YouTube video or something else would you give to someone who's recovering from a similar similar injuries yourself? And why?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:06:32  
I don't really know, to be honest, because I've had stuff that resonated with me, I'll share that with other people. And

Robbie Frawley  1:06:40  
that's all right. I mean, I guess I was gonna read the other way of phrasing that is what book on movies or video etc, is greatly influenced your own recovery? And I mean, yeah, people, it doesn't mean, you have to go out and watch it, but it's just something that

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:06:57  
there's probably not, as I say, there's not one, one that sort of speaks for me, but, you know, there's a range of different ones that I've read, or I've got little bits out of, yeah. So there's a book called Autobiography of a Yogi and that, that looks at all manner of things. Okay. He grew up in India early on, and just spoke about, you know, talks about how you treat people. And, you know, there's all these different things. And so for me that that added one bit in the more developed, yeah, yep. Yeah, and there's been amazing, you know, videos and documentaries on personal growth and empowerment of people of any of those that you could. Enlightenment was one, it's on YouTube. Anthony chin, I think is the director who did the video.

Robbie Frawley
That's the end of Chapter 3. In the final chapter, Lloyd talks about new beliefs and advice to others.