Lloyd (Blast injury): Chapter 4 - Final learnings, new beliefs & advice to others

Episode 5: Chapter 4 - Lloyd Polkinghorne - Recovery from a blast injury (Blast injury) - Final learnings, new beliefs & advice to others.

In the final episode of this initial series we meet Lloyd Polkinghorne, a 36 year old newspaper owner and editor and a former mixed irrigator from Barham in NSW. Lloyd was injured by a misfiring shotgun in 2013 whilst assisting neighbouring farmers to clear birds from their crops. Whilst the injuries he received were largely invisible, the effects upon him were significant. He's a tough, resilient and courageous man and an incredible community advocate.

In the last chapter Lloyd describes additional learnings, new beliefs and his advice to others who're still searching for answers.

Whilst this is the final episode for the year, I've got some great interviews lined up in the months ahead and I look forward to sharing these with you next year. In the meantime, if you have any interview suggestions or feedback on the series thus far please feel free to reach out at: stories.of.recoveryrf@gmail.com

Stay safe... and keep going :)
Cheers, Robbie

Full transcripts and show notes are available for each chapter on the podcast website: storiesofrecovery.buzzsprout.com

Shownotes:

• ^00:30 - Quotes which resonated with and helped Lloyd:
  • "How do you eat an elephant?... One bite at a time",
  • "A lion doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep",
  • Lloyd agrees that different things will resonate with you at different times,
• 02:07 - Lloyd discusses new beliefs which have most improved his life since the accident. The community has always been important to him and this has broadened further. He's reassessed what's important to him and what he values. He explains that he is "more excited about life" now and has become more interested in history, life and progress,
• ^05:18 - Lloyd's advice to those who're still within the darkness - Remember "That change is always possible" and as Winston Churchill wisely said "When you're going through hell... keep going",
• ^09:14 - Lloyd advises that when you are trying new and different things (for your recovery) there are some fundamentals that they must meet. He explains that for him they have to align with his core values. He advises to beware of charlatans and look at treatments and practitioners holistically,
• ^12:17 - When you feel overwhelmed or unfocussed, what do you do? Lloyd explains that he has learnt to become aware of the indicators of when he's getting wound up. For Lloyd this includes spending more time on his phone and/or buying things online. He suggests identifying the indicators for you that you're getting wound up. Become aware of them and take action to intervene if you notice them, by doing things like: meditating, spending quiet time in nature and being strict with the time you spend on your phone,
• ^14:07 - Lloyd describes one of the best meditations he has heard of...'finding the noise'. He explains that it involves (sitting quietly with your eyes closed and) letting the noise come to you. When you realise that you've become distracted by thoughts, gently (compassionately) return to finding the noise,
• ^16:08 - Lloyd's final thoughts and advice to those listening: Be compassionate to yourself. If you are trying to help someone, would you speak to them the way you speak to yourself? Your internal voice is the one constant companion you'll have throughout your life. Become aware of what it is saying and ensure you make it your greatest advocate,
• 17:48 - Continually ask questions. If something is not working there's no harm in trying something else. It's a journey. As Lloyd notes "I probably wouldn't change it for the world now to be honest".

^Lloyd's main learnings

Transcript

Note: Time stamps for the chapter episodes are based on the full episode recording.

Robbie Frawley
Welcome to Chapter 4. Final learnings, new beliefs and advice to others. The sound quality will also be different in this chapter as we needed to change location

Robbie Frawley  1:07:52  
Do you have any particular mantras or quotes, which you found particularly helpful during your recovery? For me that was you touched on it before? Something's useful at a certain time? Yeah. And then it might not be useful, you know, after a period of time, and that was certainly the case. For me. I felt like I was just trading off. Yep, quotes, you know, I'd hear something and it would resonate. And that would like get me through, you know, it'd be super powerful for a week or two, for instance, but often, they would kind of lose power or lose some sort of impact over time. So I wish I'd written them all down. It's gonna be a long list, anything like that for you?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:08:45  
Yeah, the upside the head, eat an elephant is one that always stuck with me is adding an elephant and it's one bite at a time. So it's just about, you know, not looking at the whole whole thing is some great big huge thing. We're just doing a little bit of a time. I don't know. Yeah, I'm probably much the same as you there was. You know, there were were quite some things that did resonate with me, and we kept my grandson here. That's awesome. You know, another one for me was this one, I have a lion. And it's, you know, a lion doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. You know, it's good. Yeah. Because, you know, there are times where you just think, you know, all these people that are telling you that you're not good enough, or you're not dry enough, or whatever, and you just got to stay true, I think, to your core values and what you think you are, that

Robbie Frawley  1:09:41  
you've touched on this a little bit, but I'll ask it in case you have anything to add in the last eight years since the accident. What new belief behaviour or habit is most improved your life?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:09:53  
Oh, it's it's quite an expensive question. So for me, I suppose I've always been fairly community orientated and everything. But I've expanded that out a lot broader now as far as humanity and all the rest of it. So I mentioned before, and that until I had a bit of spiritual growth. And, and no, I truly believe that we're all equal. You know, I think we're, we're souls of equal worth, and yet we have uniquely different values all of us. And that's where I think society sort of, yeah, is challenging where we are as a culture at the moment, because we, we sort of lose the value of each person, and people get too caught up on on each other's values, rather than the core worth or what you're working towards. Because I truly think if, if you want to be, you know, understanding and empathetic towards everyone, you have to consider all points of views, you can't force a minority or whatever. So. So for me learning about who I am, what my values were so losing the farm, and that, because that was, that was my identity, though it was, I'm Lloyd, I'm the farmer and whatever. But when you have all that torn down, you're like, Well, whoever, and what does matter to me? And what are the things that mattered to me, then that still mattered to me now? And what are the things that I can let go? Yeah. So for me, I'm more excited about life like this. I'm much more curious about all aspects of things. And, you know, I like reading up on different cultures or religions or whatever, and, and just seeing how that's evolved over history. Like, we don't, you know, in Australia, we've got such a brief history and, and the way we develop policies and things now are so short sighted, and we're always talking, you know, election cycles, rather, what's, what's better for the next generation or our kids and the grandkids? And, you know, wholly self limiting? Yeah, that's right. Yep. We, it's, you know, they're always stuck in this egocentric, you know, what am I going to get out of it? Or, you know, what's the benefit to me? Or how much money we're gonna make out of it? And that is just doesn't resonate with me at all anymore like that. It's just such a short sighted. Yeah, I think we're all we're all special. And we're all individuals, and we all have limitless potential. We just need the right time. Yeah, and the right situation and the right support. You got to have situations that are conducive to people's growth. And that's when you really get the best out of people in society.

Robbie Frawley  1:12:53  
For people that maybe, you know, they're still within the darkness, if you like, is there anything that might help when they're reassessing or wrestling with who they, how they see themselves? Or how they have seen themselves into that? Yeah, and evolved?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:13:14  
Yeah, no, look, they really are they get it's super important for people when they get into those situations that when you are in the midst of the darkness, that it's very hard to actually see past that at times. But, you know, change is always possible. And, you know, Winston Churchill said, when you're going through hell just keep going. Because there is so much potential for for things to change. And we may not always consider it always see it as like they're talking about suicide, they say that's a that's a permanent answer to a temporary situation. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes you do feel shit. And sometimes you don't want to go on. But that's not always the case. Like it only takes you've only got to have the right interaction with one people, you know, when I was at my worst, you know, he feeling shit about yourself and you feeling shit about everything you go out, and then someone and sort of make a judgement of how you look or whatever at the time and that just just destroy your day. But on the flip side, it only takes one interaction with a decent person, and then you get that spark back and you're like, not all is lost. And so yeah, and I it is hard sometimes to find those because you can go for weeks where you're just in the fog and you're just in the shit. But they I think people I'd like people just to remind themselves that there is the possibility for change and it's not permanent. And all that What's hot dogs won't the scan. You know, as I say we're talking you have night terrors and that there is real shit that I never thought I'd get through in one bite at a time, one foot in front of the other, you just got to keep chipping away.

Robbie Frawley  1:15:15  
And that's probably something just to remember early on someone saying to me as really early, yep. This too shall pass. Yep. But I actually kind of resented it. Because I was like, Well, I don't know if this will pass. And that's, that's, I mean, that's a major fear, probably for all of these situations is the uncertainty of whether you will recover. Yeah. And so yeah, I just want to highlight that when you're saying this is temporary, or this is this will change. I think that's from, from having been in those positions where you don't think you really questioned if ever will change. Absolutely. And then over a longer time span. Realising that they do.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:16:08  
Yeah, and, and how you perceive success probably will evolve. Because if I defined myself as, you know, being fixed, as well as me farming and doing life I was before well, I'll never change. Yeah. And so that evolves. Because what, what you, we only know what you know. And so when you're in the situation, and and you've lost so much, and you're just struggling to find out who you are? Well, that is that is depressing, because that's only what you know, but what you fail, what people may fail to grasp, and what I failed to grasp is, you know, what I thought I was was like, 2%, of what my potential was? Is there any other things that I wouldn't have found if I hadn't gone through what I'd been through? And don't worry, like, there was times that I thought the same thing, and they will give you this crap? Like begging me, you don't even know what I'm going through? Stop this key here. I feel

Robbie Frawley  1:17:11  
Did you hear any bad recommendations? Or what bad recommendations? Have you heard throughout your recovery?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:17:17  
Yeah, so when you're trying new and different things, for me, they've got a, there's some fundamentals that they have to make. So and that's around my values, and, and also some of the processes. You know, they say that a good guru will will give you all the answers, essentially, for nothing. But then there's the ones who always want you to pay that bit more before they'll give you the next answer and all the rest of it. And there's just as many good there's just as many charlatans, and so, for me, you've got to look at the holistic, you know, what are you getting out of it?

Robbie Frawley  1:17:57  
The your mania treatment, or Yeah, a treatment or,

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:18:01  
you know, something you're researching as far as teachings or, you know, qualities that affect your life. So for me, they have to actually resonate with my core values. They still said, they got to be overall loving, and compassionate, and all the rest of it, you gotta have no ill effects on those around me, and all these sorts of things. Because when you get through health and development, you'll come across people who may go down one part of New Age spirituality, they feel projective. And they go on to everyone else around them. And they're like, oh, no, I can't do that. Because this is me now. And, and you know, it sorta, yeah. For me, the things I have things I wanted to experience still have to make my core values, they have to be of benefit to those around me and myself. And they have to have tangible results. And they have to be ethical people, because I think you got to trust your instinct with what you're getting out of people or what you're watching or what you're learning. And there's lots of treatments and modalities with, I just encourage you to come back and talk, you know, I've got your 100 bucks, I'll see you in two weeks again, you know, and that's fine. Like, that person may get you to the next step or whatever. But it is, I think there's a risk that if you get stuck with someone who believes the answer and you've plateaued with them, yes. And they just keep you know, sort of milking you. Yeah. Whereas I like the ones who go is actually nothing more I can do for you. I don't know why you're coming back because because they just give it to you straight. They're like, why would you be

Robbie Frawley  1:19:49  
when you feel overwhelmed or unfocused. And this can either be you know, past tense or current tense. What Do you know if it helps? What questions do you ask yourself? Yeah.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:20:05  
So, for me, I've become better at recognising when on getting wound up, or things are getting unsettled. So one of my indicators, is it, I'll reach my phone more often. I sort of look for a distraction. Yes.

Robbie Frawley  1:20:24  
It's all society generally now.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:20:26  
Yeah. You're so uncomfortable to sit with your own thoughts. And so when things wind up, you're sort of looking for this stimulation that's like your brain. They call monkey mind monkey mind. Because imagine a monkey in like a gift shop, it picks up something and throws it away, picks up something else. Yeah, it's never satisfied. It's just always searching.

Robbie Frawley  1:20:46  
The classic phone these days. Yeah, yeah.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:20:49  
Can you sit there? Yeah. I'm looking at my phone, you don't even realise that you sort of do. And? And yeah, so for me, I know when, when things are getting too much, or, or I'm sympathetic nervous systems getting wound up. Yeah, there's these these indicators for me, which is, you know, looking for shit to buy online or, or searching for stuff on my phone, or are unable just to sit and be still. And so for me, when that happens, I actually have to do a bit of a reset, I have to be strict with my phone. And also, for me, I like spending a lot of time in the bush. So I'll just go and sit on the riverbank and meditate or just listen to the birds and just being present in your surroundings. One of the, the best I suppose easiest meditations I ever heard was a was a monk who he really, he grew up in a monk family. And then he had lots of trouble meditating and stuff. And then he just decided that he'd sit in his room for a few days and just find the noise. Hey, so he just sit there. And you just, you don't search for noise, but you let the noise can be when and when you first. You may last two seconds, you get lots of noise. And then five minutes later, you realise that you're in your brain and your brain is just been running. And then you just see

Robbie Frawley  1:22:23  
thinking of things. Yeah, lunch. Oh, that person said this. Yeah,

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:22:26  
that's right. Because you start I got I'm just listening to noise. Two minutes at Hager. We had the noise guy, I'm just running along him own dialogue. And then he says you don't reprimand yourself and you don't scold yourself because that's your mind just trying to do that DSL. And then you just like, I'll find the noise again. And then you sit there and and so then you may 30 seconds and then your mind will go and and then you when you wake up and I'm in my mind ear, find the noise and then you you know, so it's just an evolution and the so for me when I'm when I'm waking up or things getting too much, I've actually just got to take stock and and go and calm things then just draw and get back into a bit more flows.

Robbie Frawley  1:23:09  
And when you say find the noise, I'm imagining if we're sitting here now, I can hear a car outside. I can hear someone talking somewhere behind me. I can hear Craig, is that what you mean?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:23:25  
Yeah, yeah. So it's finding that little bits of noise in a broad context. So it's not focusing on one thing. It's like letting the waves of sound wash over you. So you'll hear the you and you'll hear the bird over there. And you'll hear all these things and, and it's like a sort of a 3d, sad experience. You're just sitting there just absorbing.

Robbie Frawley  1:23:49  
Rado? Well, it's about time. To wrap up, you've been incredibly generous with your time we've just moved location. Any final thoughts or comments or advice to those who might be listening?

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:24:04  
No, just look, I think people have to be compassionate to themselves. Quite often, the voice in our brain in our mind belittles us. And I say to the kids say you know if you're trying to help someone or get the most out of someone, would you say to them what your brain tells you? Like when your brains scolding yourself or telling you you're not good enough or whatever. You overlay that over the person you're trying to help? And again, would you say that to them? Gently is it's the furthest thing away from how you actually get the most out of someone. And so, in your you and your mind, you're stuck with female life. So if your greatest advocate keeps putting you there, and you need to actually question that, well, I'm here with myself. That's the only constant I'm gonna have in life forever. to come and go for a meal come and go, I can't be kind to myself. What opened myself up. And I think people have to try it themselves with some compassion, not just those around them. Because we all make mistakes, we'll trip sometimes it's one step forward a step backwards. And yeah, just continually ask questions. And if something's not working, there's no harm in moving on to something else. That's it. For me, it's a journey, it's not about a destination, I don't think, for me, there is no destination anymore. Life is just going to continually evolve. You know, eight years ago, I was a farmer, and all in all these roles and whatever. And I thought, you know, I'm going to Utilidor a little pasture land on the kids. And, you know, eight years later, everything's changed. And I've been through heaps of different things, but I probably wouldn't try it for the world. Now, to be honest, like, it's, it is just life that is just part of my journey. It's part of my growth, and it won't ever stop until my heart stops, and then I don't have to worry about that sort of done well.

Robbie Frawley  1:26:10  
Any Thank you like to don't have to, but if you've got any you'd like to put out there.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:26:16  
Yeah. A huge thank you, to my family, to my wife and kids. They sacrificed so much in, in putting up with me, you know, really hard work in a, because I'm so miserable, and that that has an effect on them. And they tried so much of their own time. Yeah, to be helpful and understanding of things. And it also, to the people I've had, who have shown me will given me a little tidbit to go on. You know, there's other people, I think it's just important to focus on the good bits, because as those little shining bits of light that you find, it's so awesome that people go out of the way like the block here, rang me up. He didn't have to do that. But he just felt compelled. And I suppose that's changed for me to hear. Like if I see someone or something, it's may or may not work for you take it or leave it, but it was good for me.

Robbie Frawley  1:27:25  
Well, thank you so, so much. It's been such a pleasure to meet you and hear some of your story. And I really, really appreciate it. And I think it'll be hugely beneficial to those listening. So thank you.

Lloyd Polkinghorne  1:27:41  
Thanks, Robbie. And I appreciate the project you're doing. I think it's amazing. It's gonna be one of those little things that people who've come across and will add value to their life and are on the journey to grow.

Robbie Frawley  1:28:16  
Hey, guys, it's Robbie. Again. I'll have shownotes on everything we talked about this episode on the podcast website. There's a link to that in the podcast description, along with the full transcript if you find that easy to follow along, or to find what you need. I do need to highlight the neither I nor Lloyd and medical professionals. The advice and learnings which we share during our discussion are not medical advice and should be considered and reviewed in consultation with a trusted medical professional prior to being acted upon. These are simply our learnings from our experiences, take what is valuable, and leave the rest. Now this is the last episode within this initial series. But as I record this outro things are beginning to open up again where I live here in Victoria after another start stop year of COVID lockdowns and restrictions. I've got a bunch of brilliant people already lined up. And soon I'll be able to get out across the country again to continue to interview people who have recovered from neurological issues, so that I can bring their stories of recovery to you. If you have any suggestions of people to interview, or feedback on the series thus far, which you would like me to know, please do so by email at stories of dot recovery rf@gmail.com. There's also a link to that in the podcast description. I want to sincerely thank all of my guests on this first series. The courage you've shown to share your stories for the benefit of others is extraordinary. And to those listening, know that you are not alone. There is hope and that you can get better until I speak with you again. I wish you courage and energy on your own journey forward