William (TBI): Chapter 4 - New habits & perspectives

Episode 1:  Chapter 4 - William Cole - Recovery from a farm motorcycle accident which resulted in a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) - New habits & perspectives.

In the first episode, we meet William Cole, a 25 year old farmer from Bookaar in Western Victoria. William had a farm motorcycle accident in 2017 which resulted in a traumatic brain injury. In this fourth and final chapter of the episode, William talks about his new habits and perspectives following the accident, what he is aiming for now, and we hear about some of the work he's doing to share his learnings with others.

Transcript and show notes are available for each episode on the podcast website: storiesofrecovery.buzzsprout.com

Shownotes:

• 00:30 - Strangely enough, William now considers that things in his life have changed a lot for the positive since his accident. He cites greater maturity and appreciation for life, more respect and love for himself and other people, and more presence in the moment,
• 02:05 - "More, more, more". William's reminder to himself each day to be 'more understanding, more caring and more respectful' with those he encounters,
• ^05:10 - Journalling has been very important in William's recovery. "Just start writing..." Put your thoughts, your worries and the things that are concerning you down on paper. For William, it's helped him work through his issues and resolve them,
• ^07:00 - Listen carefully to your doctors, treat them with respect and build a friendship,
• ^08:00 - Ask a friend to go to the shops & get you 3 books (on topics that you are really interested) or which you really want to read (let your interests guide your recovery),
• ^09:15 - Don't be afraid to share your story. Telling your story and listening to others within the rehabilitation setting, and talking about your accident/injury/condition with family and friends in William's view "is one of the biggest parts of healing". It'll help you reflect on and process the injury or condition and connects you with those around you,
• ^12:40 - Avoid alcohol and drugs for as long as you can following your accident/injury,
• ^14:30 - Extending on the earlier recommendation regarding journalling, William suggests trying to notice if something is getting you down, writing it down and exploring it and if needed, taking it to a friend or a neuropsychologist to help you work through it,
• 15:48 - William talks about a public event he organised in his local community with the assistance of his neuropsychologist. The aim was to bring together people who had been impacted by brain injury and included guest speakers, the sharing of tips and tricks, and advice from his treating team. William's keen to run more sessions like this and needs help. If you'd like to work with William to run events like this in the future, you can contact him at: willyjcole@gmail.com,
• ^27:54 - Final thoughts from William: "Keep on being you, and you shall keep on".

^William's main tips

Transcript

Robbie - Introduction: 0:11

Welcome to Chapter Four- New habits and perspectives.

Robbie - Host: 0:31

So I guess in the last two years, or since your accident, have there been any new things that stand out in terms of behaviours or habits that you've introduced into your day to day?

William Cole - Guest: 0:42

Yeah, it's funny. It's changed a lot for the positive. I guess because before I was just your classic 22 year old Aussie bloke, having fun, you know'beers with the boys' and stuff like that and wanting to go in the fast lane a lot of it.

Robbie - Host: 1:05

Yep.

William Cole - Guest: 1:05

But after the accident, I sort of found myself more reserved and mature and chilled out, you know...funnily enough. Like you'd say I'd been there and done that, but I had a massive motorbike accident and sort of realised how good it is to be alive sort of thing. So yeah, in terms of social habits, I stay a lot longer and really want to chat a bit more, especially to the older generation because they've got a whole wealth of chats and talk and knowledge about things. So I find them very fascinating. And just general respect and love. I came up with this thing that I thought about, cause I wanted to be like'how can I show that I'm more caring?' It was quite funny because...

Robbie - Host: 2:02

Because you obviously(felt it)...So you felt it and it was like'I want to demonstrate this'?.

William Cole - Guest: 2:05

Yeah I think that I was pretty caring in my own respect. But I thought how can I... For some reason I I just t hought I was bad at it, but anyway. So I came up with this thing that was a little concept that I did because I would often write in my book and just let my thoughts go wherever. And I just write about whatever a nd t here's drawings and events and random daydreaming stuff. So I was writing in that book and came up with the"more, more, more" concept. And it's quite easy because you can just think"more, more, more" in your head. And so when you're active in a conversation with someone or a friend or a spouse or whatever(it means'show') more understanding, more care and more support. And you could write that more list of more everything, but to start....to try and make yourself think that quickly before(you see someone)"more, more, more", and you just can sort of jump into a new(mindset)... like take a breath and yeah, feel really reserved(calm and centred), and like you really do care about someone and the conversation that you're having.

Robbie - Host: 3:22

So, sorry, just to clarify, do you mean, you'll say that to yourself"more, more, more" meaning'In this moment, I need to be more understanding, more...

William Cole - Guest: 3:30

...caring, and yeah more respectful.

Robbie - Host: 3:34

Wow that's a really cool way of just planting yourself into that moment isn't it.

William Cole - Guest: 3:38

Absolutely. And yeah it's quick to think about and yeah. Just quickly think about it in your head before you walk into the cafe or...because in my industry you're always working in the yards and shearing sheep etc. and you're pretty tuckered out and knackered and stuff. So it's a good little quick way because you don't want to present yourself to everyone as dirty, stinky and grumpy just because you're tired. So you just want to at least have a good chinwag with them and make it worth(both of) your time.

Robbie - Host: 4:10

Totally, totally.

William Cole - Guest: 4:12

But yeah, well I'll touch a little bit more on that. I guess it stemmed from not being able to communicate properly after the accident... with that lack of focus and attention and being able to string together a sentence to be able to start thinking'more, more, more' to really get a good conversation flowing and going. Yeah.

Robbie - Host: 4:37

Okay. So that was actually a tool to help you kind of tap back into your own....

William Cole - Guest: 4:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have/had started thinking of a fair few or writing about a fair few, but'more, more, more' was the quickest and easiest and simplest and there's a couple of pages(of notes of journalling) behind it, you know, of writing my experiences and how I find things. Really to nut everything out. And then all of a sudden I just came up with that. So it was a lot of refining before there was a result.

Robbie - Host: 5:10

That journaling. That's something that sounds like it's been pretty(beneficial)?

William Cole - Guest: 5:13

Yeah. All my life. Yeah. Absolutely.

Robbie - Host: 5:15

And that's been helpful to you in your recovery?

William Cole - Guest: 5:18

Absolutely. A hundred percent. I never date anything, but if people want, they can date,

Robbie - Host: 5:24

You just start writing?

William Cole - Guest: 5:25

Just start writing...because there're books that I could read of my writing that're about six plus years old, but I'd still not know when it was. Yeah. And it's quite funny because some days you know, I don't really want to read them but I just pick them up sometimes if I'm moving stuff out of my bedroom or clearing stuff and I'm like'oh yeah, I know that book', but don't know the last time I read it and just open it and you're like'ah, oh yeah!' You know, you're sort of recalling the old self of you or just what you were up to I guess, in the journey of life. You know what you were sort of figuring out about or what you were thinking or feeling and yeah. So it's a good little, a good little tool to have for anyone.

Robbie - Host: 6:09

Yeah. Do you write in that every day?

William Cole - Guest: 6:11

Not every day. At least...at least twice a week.

Robbie - Host: 6:13

Yeah. Do you make time for it or does it just sort of happen?

William Cole - Guest: 6:16

I do make time for it by laying in bed, before I go to bed.

Robbie - Host: 6:19

Yeah.

William Cole - Guest: 6:20

I always pack it with me and even if I'm going to a mate's house, because it's just like, for me, it's just like a phone charger, because it's an escape. Yeah. And you know, I don't need to go down to a friend's house and vent my spleen to them about this or that I can sort of keep myself contained.

Robbie - Host: 6:40

Do it yourself?

William Cole - Guest: 6:40

Yeah. No one needs to hear my thoughts, especially, which is kind of handy, but the bad ones, because I can just get it in there and yeah,

Robbie - Host: 6:50

Sort them out yourself.

William Cole - Guest: 6:50

Yeah sort it out yourself and sort of draw some conclusions and try and come up with a bit more of a mature understanding I suppose later.

Robbie - Host: 7:01

Yeah, nice. What advice would you give to yourself if you were to meet yourself a week before your accident? Or what advice would you tell yourself to ignore?

William Cole - Guest: 7:15

Yeah, that's a good one. Um, I'd definitely give the advice to listen carefully to the doctors and again, make good friendships with them, sorta become friendly rather than that worker, carer thing. I would have given myself the stuff about subtitles and m ovies.

Robbie - Host: 7:44

Yep.

William Cole - Guest: 7:45

Definitely because I figured that one out about a month or a bit into the stay at the Epworth.

Robbie - Host: 7:53

Could have saved you some time...

William Cole - Guest: 7:53

Yeah. I could have been writing books by then. I would have said to myself to get someone to go down to the shops and get like three things that you really want or like really want to read or, you know, that reminds you of you. Something...like it might be a thing that you like or a book that you like to read.

Robbie - Host: 8:28

Well for you what would that have been? What would that have been in your case?

William Cole - Guest: 8:35

Well, I got given a beginner's guide to growing hops.

Robbie - Host: 8:41

Okay.

William Cole - Guest: 8:42

From dad.

Robbie - Host: 8:42

Nice.

William Cole - Guest: 8:42

And, um, I've read bits of it, but I requested to him that I wanted a book on stone masonry. So I got that and I love stone masonry so I was yeah, fascinated by that and yeah, that was a lot of fun. It's quite fun, like I'm fascinated enough that I'll just watch YouTube for hours on end of these old Scottish blokes or Irish blokes just being like"now you get your stone and they do..." It's a lot of fun. Yeah, and definitely journal, but also definitely to not be afraid to share and chat with the other people in the ward and not feel afraid to talk about the accident itself. Because I think in the ward like no one really(talks about it). I was good mates with one girl who was my age and she was from not too far away from here and we just sort of had that local connection. But she was the only one that I had heard about her accident and no one sort of really shared that with anyone or really talked about it. I guess it was you know, a hospital healing environment, but yeah, I would've said that would've been a good bit of advice to myself.

Robbie - Host: 9:56

Talk about it?

William Cole - Guest: 9:56

Yeah. Just to show that...to be able to share and open up I suppose, and not have to always talk to the professionals, because they always will give their professional response and have to be professional I suppose. Just chat to you know, someone that you can become mates with and just have a proper conversation about it.

Robbie - Host: 10:22

Has it been...would that advice also extend to people outside the hospital setting or in your normal life? Like, is it something...would you encourage people to speak about it with their friends and family and people they know or not to?

William Cole - Guest: 10:38

Absolutely. I think it's one of the biggest parts of healing...is to be able to share your story and to be able to get it out. Because you're doing a lot of reflecting when you're trying to tell your story and you're really processing it yourself and understanding that that's you and that's what happened. And for your friends to be able to listen and take it in is yeah, great and supportive. But you know they're obviously there for you, so you can share that story and it shows a lot about the friendship and how special those friends can be. Yeah, it's a good time for everyone. I think it's, I can't really think of the words for it, but I just find it a very strong thing to be able to do, for a lot of people, to share their story and in, in a positive way. I hope that they hope within their mentality that they really want to strive to get to 100% and really want to prove what may be easily possible, but prove those negative thoughts in their head completely wrong. I do think that sharing your story with others really does help. Being able to talk and say, well"Hi, I'm Will. This is my story" and you know, stuff like that. Because I feel those people would become a lot more open later down the track with their social interactions because they know that they've had this accident and their friends know that and people around the district acknowledge you for that and stuff. So you're not...then all of a sudden you don't become this isolated person. Like everyone knows who you are and you know, you're still included. You never were excluded, but you've just been given...

Robbie - Host: 12:34

It's not the elephant in the corner.

William Cole - Guest: 12:35

Yeah, exactly.

Robbie - Host: 12:40

Any bad recommendations you've heard throughout your recovery?

William Cole - Guest: 12:45

Definitely the ones that the hospitals tell you, which is alcohol and drugs, because there was one bloke at the hospital who got hit by a car at high speeds. He was in a wheelchair and he was crossing a road and just got hit. Anyway, he was still in his wheelchair and he got put into a share house where they were all...they'd have a person come in and check on them.

Robbie - Host: 13:10

Yeah.

William Cole - Guest: 13:10

And they could sort of do what they want, but yeah, they used to drink a lot and a lot. And you'd see...it would affect his relationship.... with the hospital staff was so negative and his whole motivation to get better was so negative. It was quite tough because this man had a young daughter and he was trying to obviously find work and he was a foreign man and the language barrier was tough. I felt for him a lot because I'm sure he was a really nice guy and stuff but he couldn't walk, he was getting pushed around in a wheelchair and he was trying to find work so that he could put his young girl through high school. So yeah, I'd say definitely, alcohol and drugs do stay away from them for as long as you can after the accident.

Robbie - Host: 14:06

Are you back drinking now or do you stay off it?

William Cole - Guest: 14:08

Yeah I do drink, I took a whole year and a bit off afterwards and that was good. But yeah, I'll have a drink with the mates at the football or Melbourne cup day, which is today, but I'm not at the cup. But if I was at the cup in itself, you know, there in person, absolutely. Why not? I guess also...comparing yourself to(before), don't compare yourself to before. Try and really notice the bad things that you're doing to yourself and thinking about and write it down and tell someone, you know.

Robbie - Host: 14:57

What do you mean by that?

William Cole - Guest: 14:59

Try and notice what gets you down. Like what upsets you in your day to day life? It could be one little small thing.

Robbie - Host: 15:11

Just happening again and again.

William Cole - Guest: 15:13

Yeah. And write it down and go to a friend even, or a neuropsychologist or a psychologist or someone and share it with them and don't be afraid to write down what you're finding is difficult and find a resolution for it. There are a lot of services out there and you yourself can really make a difference if you really want to sit down and think it out and have the attitude to want to get better.

Robbie - Host: 15:48

Now, you also ran this brilliant event. I've heard a little bit about it. Was it last year?

William Cole - Guest: 15:54

It was yes, it was in 2018.

Robbie - Host: 15:57

Do you want to tell me a little bit about that?

William Cole - Guest: 15:59

I was back from hospital and I was working alongside my neuropsychologist, who was amazing. I said to her about this idea that I had, that it would be great for everyone in the district(and it was being a bit keen if I got everyone in the district), but people around the district who had had these injuries to get into one room together and to be able to sit down and share their stories and feel like there's a little community behind it. And so we started writing a few things down and got some planning things ahead, and we came up with a date. And so I got my neuropsychologist and then another two ladies who were helping me, a speech pathologist and an occupational therapist together and we thought out the best way to be able to bring everyone together is to do some guest speakers. So people can listen and we'll have a break and have a drink and something to nibble on and then get back into some talking and then some questions and then a mingle afterwards. So we came up with that little structure for the evening. We ran it on the 12th of July in 2018, starting late in the evening and it was quite amazing. I spoke for about 10 minutes and spoke about the injury and how it affected me, and my rehabilitation and the community support that I had behind it. And then also I got to share some tips and tricks and strategies with the other people in the room who had gone through a similar injury. Then my neuropsychologist and the speech pathologist and the OT talked about brain injury and what their role is as a neuropsych or a speech pathologist. And my neuropsych she was very well-spoken and I could see it in her, she was reaching out to the crowd to be like'I really want to help you too'. You know she really just wanted to help everyone and she just shared some rehab approaches and strategies and just little things.

Robbie - Host: 18:38

Anything that you want to share now?

William Cole - Guest: 18:39

I think I've got all mine out earlier today. But she was going on about causes and effects and it was great. The question time was good afterwards because a lot of people were funnily enough, asking questions about comparing themselves(to before). One of the ways it was asked was, one girl, she said she was doing something and then she stopped and then she'd run into the next room and come back and be so frustrated at herself and then wonder why(what she'd started) wasn't done. And then she'd start getting angry at herself for not doing it. And we sort of sat down and chatted about that for a couple of minutes and came to the reason that she was comparing an old(version of) herself to a new self that she'd switch all of a sudden her attention and be trying to be her old self but not accepting that she is a new self. It was an amazing event. We got it published in the paper and we had a turnout of about 30 to 40 people. And you could see firsthand the impact it had because after all the speakers we had the question time and then a bit of chit chat. But at the start the whole general vibe was a bit isolated I suppose, like everyone was sort of just there waiting for it to start and not really acknowledging each other and just(thinking) who's that guy, who's this and dah, dah, dah. But then afterwards, everyone sort of became friends and their eyes had lit up and they were chatting. And the amazing thing was they were chatting about their injuries and not feeling scared or nervous or judged or anything.

Robbie - Host: 20:28

Yep.

William Cole - Guest: 20:30

And that was, it was just unreal to see. And of course the OT and my neuropsych and whatnot were there. And they were getting absolutely worked out because a lot of people were there. A lot of carers were there as well and they were asking things that they'd noticed in their partners and they're taking on a caring role and were chatting to the professionals and getting some tips and tricks. There were also numbers being exchanged with the neuro psychologist and new clients. So it was a very constructive atmosphere.

Robbie - Host: 21:07

Beautiful. It felt...it really felt like I was on top of the world after it happened, because it was just something that really should be happening more. Totally.

William Cole - Guest: 21:18

And it was so reinforcing of the fact that, yeah, where there's community, there's definitely a way out. Like everything can really be resolved through a community and help is on its way. Yeah.

Robbie - Host: 21:33

Is it something you're hoping to kind of replicate or continue?

William Cole - Guest: 21:38

Yeah absolutely. Because I have sort of returned back to my life. I do, with my journal and stuff, I've been writing stuff about it. I sort of do need a big kick up the bum to really start getting going again. But I'm very passionate about it.

Robbie - Host: 21:55

You're doing alright!

William Cole - Guest: 21:56

I'm working a bit flat and that annoyingly takes over, but yeah I'd love to do more information sessions. It is a little bit tough because with the passing of my wonderful, amazing neuropsychologist, she really helped get the ball rolling. But I guess if anyone is listening and wants to get the ball rolling(with me), someone who's keen... I'd just be keen to put these s ort o f days together or information n ights for people to come across. I've got a network of treaters who would be more than happy to speak and s o there's everything there. We just need to start getting them more on the frequent and a bit more of a structure and system behind it. But I also n eed someone to help me, to b e my offsider,to be like"right, it's going to be here on this night and we've g ot to get all this set up..." Because I think trying to do it by myself w ould be a bit, a bit full on, especially with my own work commitments. And going forward from there, one thing that I would also love to be able to help out with is at the Epworth and it was quite good because I was doing my Epworth longitudinal head research study thing, and I was chatting to the girl about this and it was a mentorship program of people w ho've had brain injuries to be able to go into the hospital and meet people who have had the same injury maybe a couple of weeks after when t hey're sort of feeling back to themselves. Just to be able to go in and chat and share their experiences and sort of be a mentor, but y ou k now, not a mentor, like a big brother or a big sister... and just to be like"Hey, I've b een there and...

Robbie - Host: 23:47

"I'm ok"

William Cole - Guest: 23:47

Yeah, exactly. Just sort of reinforce that it takes time and you've got to work on some steps as opposed to other steps and just to help guide them and to further the reassurance for their rehabilitation. And you never know, they still may be friends for 10 years or something. But to sort of get something in the works that people who have been through all of that and been(come) out of it, you know, for five or so years, and have obviously had plenty of experience with the new self to be able to go and share tricks with those people in the hospital. Because we had, like, when I was at the Epworth we had breakfast club and stuff and that would break up the day, but, well, it's tough to say, but it was quite dull because you're all in bed or, you know, you're all ill and in hospital, so no one's really trying to be chirpy, you know, stuff like that. Um,

Robbie - Host: 24:51

So just to have some people, an injection of some people coming back in who understand, but have come out the other side and can(share their experiences)

William Cole - Guest: 24:57

Absolutely. I just think it would be of benefit to the hospital and the people who have had those injuries a lot more and maybe help them change their attitude. Because I think the whole thing for me personally has been, just your mindset behind what you believe in and what you don't and just your mentality behind it. I think for that event, people would hear and see these other people and feel like, you know, they got some helpful tricks and(thought) yep, that's gonna be me in a couple of years. I'll be out of here and be back to myself or doing what I want to be doing at least.

Robbie - Host: 25:41

Brilliant. Well we'll watch this space and look forward to seeing that program take off.

William Cole - Guest: 25:45

Absolutely. Yeah.

Robbie - Host: 25:47

Is there anything in particular that you'd like to share before we wrap up? Any thank you's or any sort of final thoughts you want to leave with people?

William Cole - Guest: 25:58

Always want to get better and always have a good relationship with your doctor or treater because they put in a hard amount of work for you to help you get better. So always be respectful of them and the work that they do. And so too with carers. A massive thank you to Ambulance Victoria, the chopper driver, the Epworth, the Royal Melbourne hospital and all the treaters: the occupational therapist...the whole of them across the bloody nation. They're really, really doing great work and really helping out people that have experienced hitting rock bottom through an accident or a fall...or something. Because yeah, it's just amazing to have these systems set up in place behind it and yeah, a huge, huge, thank you to the TAC(Traffic Accident Commission). Without them, oh God, I heard a story when I was in the bed. My mate said there was a guy in America who had a similar accident and he woke up and he got slapped with about a$600,000 bill. His response was"Why didn't you kill me? I can't afford to pay that". So it's amazing to have such a good, such good things in place in this country. And just to know that they're really caring for you and they will help you, fund you or do whatever(they need to). They're really good people. I think that sort of covers it in terms of thank you's, I guess my friends and family and community. They're all amazing in their own regards. But yeah, that's quite it....If you are listening, keep on being you and you shall keep on.

Robbie - Host: 27:59

Thank you very much. You're an inspiration and I look forward to seeing you... I mean, to me, you already look like you're a hundred percent. You look brilliant. You sound fantastic. But yeah, best of luck on the continued recovery back to a hundred percent or towards a hundred percent of your new self. And I'll look forward to watching your progress and seeing what you do. Thanks so much for your time.

William Cole - Guest: 28:23

Thank you very much Robbie. Cheers.

Robbie - Outro: 28:48

I'll have show notes on everything we talked about this episode on the podcast website, along with a full transcript if you find that easier to follow along or to find what you need. Now, I do need to highlight that neither I, nor any of the people that I interview on this podcast are medical professionals. The advice and learnings which we share during our discussions are not medical advice and should be considered and reviewed in consultation with a trusted medical professional prior to being acted upon. These are our learnings from our experiences take what is valuable and leave the rest. Next episode, we'll be speaking with Trevor Barker, a tremendous fellow who's experiences from living and recovering from chronic pain, are both shocking and awe inspiring. To give you a sneak peek, following a minor back injury at his workplace during his twenties, his quality of life deteriorated over the subsequent years to such a point due to the increasing and broadening pain that by the age of 53, he could no longer work, he'd lost his family, his friends, and all forms of social connection. He was considering his next move, which at that point was to check himself into a retirement village for the rest of his days. His learnings in recovery though, when they came were shockingly swift and he's now back to a full and active life, working, in a loving relationship, very happy and now an incredible advocate and support for others still within the darkness. He's a passionate and creative individual and a fantastic storyteller. And I look forward to sharing his story of recovery with you. Until then, I wish you courage and energy on your own journey forward. Thanks for listening.