Note: Time stamps for the chapter episodes are based on the full episode recording.
Robbie Frawley
Welcome to Chapter 2. In this chapter, Lloyd describes the turning point which allowed him to begin to recover.
Robbie Frawley 25:14
I have this memory...please correct me if it's wrong but I thing I read or heard something about you describing your symptoms, and somebody contacting you and saying I have these same symptoms and I have x condition. Is that...?
Lloyd Polkinghorne 25:31
yeah. So I had an interview on landline regarding the the garden the accident and stuff. And yeah, I had a blog call me up from down Mornington and had been
Robbie Frawley 25:43
kicked the ones in Punisher down in Victoria. Yeah, yep. Yep.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 25:47
So he been a jockey and a horse trainer. Yeah, me being kicked in the head by a horse sort of had significant damage to his head. And then anyway, he had Yeah, he'd seen me on the telly and he's like a harsh way you've got what i've what I had and what I went through. For him, he's pituitary was damaged and pituitary, immature tree sits on a bound shelf at the base of your brain. And that regulates your hormones. So that triggers all your testosterone, your growth hormone, all these sorts of things. Yeah. You know, this was three, three years in, okay, after my accident. So I brought on 50 kilos in the first 12 months. So my unbeknownst to me, my thyroid just completely stopped working. And, yeah, and then this blog saw me on telly and he is like recognition, go and get away hormones and stuff, check them. In the meantime, I I hadn't been sitting around. Just waiting. For doctors who will be at a doctor's I got been going to specialists and being going to neurologists and all these sorts of things, seeing all the people saying other people go to isometric stress. I had severe the anxiety and depression, I ended up with night terrors. Every night I get to sleep, and I, you know, I'd either see the kids getting murdered or trying to save them, you know, just the most horrendous shit. We got so bad that I said to my wife, I'm bit worried sleeping in the same bed easier, because I don't know what I'm gonna do when I wake up. And that was super hard. Like it was. I'd never known fear until until it periods. You know what your mind can conjure up money for exits? You know? Yeah, so by that stage, by the time this bloke had got in contact on, you know, I'd had to sell my part in the farming business. So we were at a higher debt level, and I was unable to use, yeah, to help guide the farm business. And it had to be random a certain capacity or certainly intensity to actually meet the obligations that I'd put in place. And I know I said to the old man that if anything ever went, went bad that that I would honour the debts that I'd taken on? Yeah, because I was one of four. And, you know, for me, it was a bit being fair and reasonable. And that's sort of how I was raised. It it said, Whatever happens if something happens, so I'll say up and clean the debts and that sort of thing. And that was hard for Dad, because dad's vision was to always pass the farm on to the next generation. And that was what he'd always work to. wasn't about accruing, you know, retirement for himself. But there's
Robbie Frawley 28:59
a bit of a culture in farming. Yeah. farming life about buying farms. You don't ever really want to sell a farm.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 29:06
Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And so I bought my uncle's farm and I bought one of my uncle's farms and bought.
Robbie Frawley 29:13
Okay, so they're even family farms to just to Yeah,
Lloyd Polkinghorne 29:17
and so it was this. Yeah. So I had to actually sell something that they'd acquired, you know, 5050 years previous. And that was would not have been now. It wasn't it was. It was quite challenging. And, and dad couldn't really understand the injury. Yes. He's like, I know you'll be right. You just gotta keep an eye doctors and that saying, Well, you stay on the farm, you're never going to get better. You need to go to a low stress environment. At that stage. They'd worked out that the grey matter in the frontal lobe had been shown off and shown off. Yeah, so it happens in car accident victims. other things as well as the rate of acceleration of your brain in the fluid. And then that is something,
Robbie Frawley 30:08
this is just from the shockwave of the GaNS. So there's no pellets. Now ended up we had no blood impact, you
Lloyd Polkinghorne 30:15
ended up with a bit of brass from like the base of the shell in beforehand, but there was nothing super, like nothing went through know that. So it's like a bit like a traumatic brain injury that you may see from returning vets yes been exposed. Where from my understanding in the pressure wave has the amazing ability to move things and do things. Because the bolt on the gun actually allowed the shot to basically hear the pressure wave to come out at the breech instead of it in the barrel. So yeah,
Robbie Frawley 30:55
no idea.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 30:56
Now not ideal, but still very cool. So that was see so many other cool Baggins get rolled with simple things. And I've had a few serious accidents and I'm still going to. But yeah, so we got to the stage where I'm trying to navigate, I was suffering, I was almost in mourning, losing the farm or having to move off the farm. The being raised on that land and thinking you were always going to take onto it and and then the the groundbreaking father's you know, all sorts of stuff his his father had just been moved into. So my grandfather just been moved into care, he ended up dementia and all these sorts of things, which was also difficult at that time. Grandpa always sort of wanted to die with his boots on and he enjoys working with the dogs and riding. And then he sort of got to a stage where he couldn't do any of that. And so we had a whole range of upheavals. And the I was struggling with the PTSD and depression and, and all these things. And then I had this fella ring, and he's like, Are you better go get your hormones check. That's right. So the duck the GPL, saying at the time was quite open to me suggesting things because we'd come so far, and it's all you'd rates, these little plateaus, you'd get a little hint of something. If they got this is it this is getting to be what, what improves me and you would you get some improvement, and then you'd sort of hit this plateau. And you're like, is this as good as it's always gonna get? Because I had all these doctors and things. It was the most frustrating, especially when you know within yourself that you that you're like working and that you're not a hypochondriac. And, you know, you have these blacks, you sit there and just look at your luck guy, right? He can't work and all this ownership.
Robbie Frawley 33:05
And so insinuating that you just
Lloyd Polkinghorne 33:08
yeah, just not having to go and look, because I couldn't find anything physically wrong with it. And so for them, it was in your mind or Yeah, so I'm very, I have very strong feelings regarding the medical establishment in the any water medical. Yeah, where we've come to in this country, as far as medical care, we do some really, some things really good luck. If you've got a broken bone or you've been in a car accident, they're awesome at it. They're amazing. But they're these other more complex, things that are a little bit harder or a little bit. There's lots of things where they sort of just throw pills at your or it don't take the time to even understand where you're coming from. to go to a specialist, we'd get into Melbourne, say draw in four hours of stay overnight, you go into Blake's office and in spend 20 minutes with urine charging 600 bucks. And so Eli does nothing wrong with it. And that you know when you're already depressed when you already got all this other shit and you're starting to question yourself,
Robbie Frawley 34:22
yes, pretty big.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 34:24
Yeah, cuz you go, what do we get? What's wrong with me? Why can I get going these blacks
Robbie Frawley 34:29
to do professional and nicer to say there's nothing holy? Yeah, yep. And they tell you what you might you've got some incredible self belief.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 34:38
Well, yeah, I've been through a bit when I broke my back knee. So for me it was, well, you're the only person who actually knows you. And we get all these other external influences, but at the end of the day, you're the one going through it and you're probably the best judge. You do have to believe in yourself because there's Lots of things get thrown at you, which makes you question. Yeah. But anyway, so this flag rang up and said, Go get your hormones checked. We got into an endocrinologist in Bendigo that out, he we go. We got something went down to him with that old test. Anyway, so he found out I had no testosterone, I had no growth hormone and all these things. But then so I thought, This is great. He's found something we're gonna we're gonna start rocking on. And then he said are we could we could give you testosterone, but I actually think all these are low because you're depressed. And our other brain injury I had that sort of started all this has nothing to it, guys. Man. I think you're overweight and you're depressed. And I think I think that's why these things are happening. So I
Robbie Frawley 35:55
wouldn't say go and join a social club. Basically.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 35:59
I still couldn't do it. Like I was, I was this was it three, three or four years in and I still couldn't do anything else. Yeah, well, I have a white life was just shit. I had the I couldn't couldn't do the Fabio award. I couldn't even go and build the shed like it was just just allow us to live and
Robbie Frawley 36:20
Casca is to question so that was because it sounds like you had good support from your GP. Yeah. And there was the Endo. chronologist they just say they could tell you that you had no testosterone with a the only person who could prescribe you testosterone. Yeah. So And sorry, the other drugs you sort of needed in, you know, natural drugs.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 36:41
Yeah, that's right. So yeah, they were, they were sort of the be all in there. chronologist are the be all and the end of for your hormones, and all these regulatory things. Because you got to be careful with those. They get abused. In some like bodybuilding and performance, and you're gonna have all these other side effects that go along with it. So thick blood and all these sorts of things, risks of heart attacks, and I guess so they
Robbie Frawley 37:09
don't sort of hand them out willy nilly
Lloyd Polkinghorne 37:11
know that they're tightly regulated. And most of them even aren't even on the PBS anymore because they were getting over, over consumed. Yep. So anyway, regularly black in Melbourne and said, You wouldn't believe it. I had these tests done. There are some problems. And yeah, and then he referred me down to a clinic, he was in Melbourne, okay. And they went and did more tests, they actually went and did a, a wider range of, of hormones and things. So it was like pages and pages that the write up of all the things. So I had the night, I had the testosterone of a 91 year old. So like you gently hit testosterone peak 30s, early 30s. And then you lose 1% a year, every year after that,
Robbie Frawley 38:08
by 91. You've lost a failure. Yeah. So my
Lloyd Polkinghorne 38:11
testosterone should have been like 22. And it was to say, like it was, you know, basically not functioning. And I had no growth hormone. And I had about six or eight sort of key fundamentals of of it that I was missing. And cortisol and all these other things regulate sleep patterns. Yeah, yeah, just a range of things.
Robbie Frawley 38:36
So are they able to then assist or
Lloyd Polkinghorne 38:40
Yeah, yep. So we started on. We started on some training. Now I was, I was pretty reluctant treatment at this stage. 12 months into my thing, all antibiotics and stuff they've given me from a brain injury and infections have actually damaged on my stomach and mean test on. I ended up with gastritis and some other owners of lower intestines. And so yeah, all the meds are given. I've actually ended up with and fix the problem. But you tried it others? Yeah, you'd have the side effects. And although the thing I read one blog last year, and he said there's no such thing as a side effects, they're all actually effects of the drugs. It's just a term they used to live it is true, like they are a direct effect of the drug. So yeah, so there's these unintended effects of the drugs or side effects as they are known effects. Yeah, yeah. Yep. And so I was very, very sceptical. Yeah, it is hard. Nagi was bloody hard two times to keep going. Because it life is just at that stage. So shit. The key was Amelia worse than the buddy.
Robbie Frawley 40:01
And I mean, you're also the whole time, which the thing that blows my mind is the whole time you've had wife and kids. Yeah, we've talked a little bit about the farm as well. But like, yeah, you know, having to do that in, in a family environment. And yeah,
Lloyd Polkinghorne 40:19
yeah. Having little kids, like, they don't understand. They just, they want to teach and, and they want to be around and all the normal, you know, beautiful things that you have that go along with kids. And that does put stress on everyone around you. Because, yeah, you know, they're gonna pick up the slack and, and my wife is this. You know, she'll do things to her own detriment for other people's. And so she's always puts her head down and, and keeps going. And so yeah, you have, it's not only you, we but as this broader effect. Yeah. On people around you. Yeah. And so then we, then we found these guys and got all the test. And we started on that. And then, yeah, that did really show me what was possible. Like, it had been at a plateau again, with the current treatments and then that ramp things up, and I was able to dispose I got up to about 60.
Robbie Frawley 41:21
Okay, so you started taking all these different hormones? Yeah, he ups and how quickly was the effects for
Lloyd Polkinghorne 41:28
probably a month or six weeks in? The Fall fine tuning? Yeah. It takes a while to balance those things out. Because everything you add has a direct effect on something else. So give me too much testosterone, you actually end up producing progesterone. Sorry. It's the female oestrogen, oestrogen yet too much testosterone, anybody will balance it? Yeah, starts producing oestrogen. into really moody, you know, like, all these other things that we laugh about, that I wouldn't have gotten became a bit more intolerable for a while. So
Robbie Frawley 42:13
can I? Can I ask a question just because there could well be people who listen to this who are in a similar situation and might also be having trouble finding appropriate medical care? You know? Yeah. Is that a clinic that you would recommend? If it is, then I can include sort of details of it in the show notes?
Lloyd Polkinghorne 42:33
I probably can't. I got in trouble over the
Robbie Frawley 42:38
right. You have any others? I mean, is it something that you can find? Or is it quite Do you have any tips for people on how they would if they think this might be something?
Lloyd Polkinghorne 42:52
Yeah, so I think the tip is to get get their hormones levels checked and all the rest of it and just to make sure that all those all those baselines are right. I? Unfortunately, I can't. Because there's some things. Yeah, it's a grey area. And there is a real reluctance. In the medical profession to look at things that are a little bit out
Robbie Frawley 43:20
on the edge. Yeah. You're seeing improvements, but it also came with other effects. Yeah, yep. Like some extra moodiness. Yeah. associated with your body producing extra oestrogen. Yep. And how long were you sort of on that programme? And did that continue to improve? Or is it the same thing? You sort of improved into a plateau?
Lloyd Polkinghorne 43:39
Yeah. So it continued to improve. And then I plateaued, like, I'm still on daily hormone replacement stuff. So that's going to be an ongoing. So for me that got some of the fundamentals of body chemistry back in line. Yeah, I felt more alive than I could, you know, sleeping holy sorts of things.
Robbie Frawley 44:06
So that, which has all sorts of positive effects.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 44:09
Yeah, that's right. Yep. And then eventually worked out that I'd developed sleep apnea as well, from the brain injury and weight gain and stuff. And so yeah, so we got the whole range, right. And then there's still all these other things, other things that I had to start exploring and trading here. So I had improved, I was able to do bits and pieces, but it still had a lot of trouble with my brain, trying to remember things and and getting headaches and I was getting Botox injections for migraines. So they do 3036 injections across my head and down my neck. There in Melbourne, was part of a headache clinic that a professor was running at and they were so Botox was developed like as, as a weapon of war as chemical warfare, so it was atomized. So Botox, paralyses muscles, and so atomized when you breathe it interrupted because your lungs stopped working. So that was what was developed for by the US military. And then when they brought in the international agreements that they'd stop using chemical weapons, they went, Oh, what are we going to do with this? And we shouldn't make some money from it. Yeah. And then the beauty industry and so the beauty industry started using it to paralyse muscles. So stop all your wrinkles, and you know, all this sort of stuff. And then the medical side of it got into it, and they're like, well, for muscles and people have sore muscles and their pain receptors and this, maybe we can paralyse them. So yeah, so I did that for you know, a few years. And that would, that would improve my quality of life, like it would significantly reduce my headache. Migraines. Migraines. Yep. So it basically paralyses the pain centres and muscles in your, in your head in your scalp. So often,
Robbie Frawley 46:07
we're getting those about three months, and was that locally? Or you have to get them out? Yeah, Melbourne, so yep. And ins that would just stop migraines or just reducing, yeah,
Lloyd Polkinghorne 46:17
that stop the migraines and reduce the headaches wouldn't completely remove, but in order to take the peaks out of it. He's doing that? Nah, nope. So I've gotten to a stage there, we're also able to drop that too. And, you know, I didn't really want bioethics injected in my head old dogs. Funny, painful, actually, they feel like paper was things and yeah, so you know, not the most pleasant ever needles stabbed in your scalp, and steamed stings when a buddy injects into anyway, so I was able to get away from that. And, and then it was a case of identifying things I still needed to improve in my life. Now, I was raised in a fairly conservative Christian family in rural Australia. So, you know, there's quite a lot of social programming and things he go into that. And so I, I look more broadly. But I started to question I suppose the meaning of life for me and why I'm here. And yeah, my, my healing journey turned into a bit of spiritual growth as well, I suppose. And looking into yoga and all these other sorts of things, and wellness and meditation. And so I've tried a whole whole range of things, which, you know, as a red blooded Australian male who grows up shooting things, and doing burnouts and stuff. Yeah, it's, it's, it's really quite bizarre, you know, to go and say that I do yoga, and
Robbie Frawley 48:02
that has been obviously very beneficial.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 48:04
It's amazing. This, and don't get me wrong, like, there is new agey stuff that I just gave. It's not for me, it's got to resonate with you. Yeah, but I take a little bit, I take the bits of work for me out of anything. Yep. Whether it be you know, Buddhism, or whether it be buddy Christianity, or whether it be
Robbie Frawley 48:30
what was the first one? What is it? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 48:34
Yeah, I sort of just grabbed the little bits that work. For me, everyone's journey is completely unique. We all raised in totally individual situations, or, you know, everyone has different programming different things I experienced as kids and, and where you are, and what you require, at a certain point in time varies depending on your journey. So I may have one thing that worked for me, you know, e two and B three have grown past that. And it doesn't, I don't require it or, or it has no further benefits. I'm very reluctant to say to people that this works, and this will fix you because you know yourself when you see and people go, Ah, now you need to go do this. And you just go back and
Robbie Frawley 49:25
close the door.
Lloyd Polkinghorne 49:27
And it's always like, sort of ignoring who you are what you've been through it, it's you know, it's not you'll be right, just do this. And it's not like it's super complex. So, you know, we are so individual and our requirements are individually even to people with the same injury like, yeah, you'll have different mental processes, where you'll have different self worth and all these sorts of things and they all play in a huge role on your recovery and even your support network around
Robbie Frawley
That's the end of Chapter 2. In chapter 3, Lloyd talks about the things which helped him get better.